omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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