I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
