one might say we're banned from that church
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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