I just cut my nipple shaving
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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