Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
