just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
