whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
