she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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