Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
