The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
