i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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