i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
