Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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