Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i think i have two assholes
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
