I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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