he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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