i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize