I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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