Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
