he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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