I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
