listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
