He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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