operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
