awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
