Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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