Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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