The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
