i jhust puked up my retainher.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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