don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize