do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
