He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You can't special order awesome
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
