I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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