I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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