I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
