I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
