man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
