I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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