You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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