She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
