dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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