I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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