im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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