my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
