I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
