made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize