I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
