im having a threesome with these popsicles
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
