im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
