he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
