dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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