I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
