Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
