her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
worst night to have a conscience
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
