do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
