i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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