i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
