There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize