Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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