Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
