If i come over, it means nothing
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
