I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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