here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
