i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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