It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
