i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
