dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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