Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
