I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
