Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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