I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
