She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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