big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
