Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
