We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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