how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
