i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
