how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
