garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
