How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
