I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize