Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
