Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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