It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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