I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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