I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
