So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
