There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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