Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
