Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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