You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
