How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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