this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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