3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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