you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
